If you are like me, it’s time for the next chapter in my story. What is behind me is over, and what lies ahead is what is now most important. I can’t leave everything behind. I have memories, I have debts, I have baggage, and I even have regrets. I also have good things, great relationships, great friends, a place to live, and a means by which I can pay my bills. I have things I love to do, and a place to do them. So why a new chapter? Why is it time for something different? The answer lies in this—what I value most, is calling me to do something, and grow in a new way; taking with me what I have learned so far, and traveling on I am going to pursue the next chapter.
What I value most, is calling me to do something, and grow in a new way; taking with me what I have learned so far, and traveling on I am going to pursue the next chapter.
Let me try to explain.
The journey of life is a story itself, a continuous, limited cycle of chapters, each chapter carrying its own set of experiences, lessons, and growth. As I move on to the next chapter of my story, I leave behind the past, acknowledging that it has shaped me into who I am today. However, I carry with me the memories, both joyous and painful, for they are the threads that weave the tapestry of my life. But that’s not all that I carry, I carry debts and obligations.
I recognize the debts I have incurred along the way, debts of responsibility to the commitments I have made, and obligations to myself and others. The baggage of my past, while not always easy to carry, contains invaluable lessons and experiences that have made me stronger and more resilient. Regrets too, are a part of my experience, but I choose to learn from them rather than dwell on them. They are only regrets because I sometimes wonder if I had chosen a different path. Then in a moment of reflection, I no longer have regrets because I am thankful for where I am, who I am, and who I am with. No regrets then? Well, some of them hurt. Some of them I still feel bad about.
Still, amidst all of the challenges and complexities of life, I am grateful for the blessings I have been given. The relationships I have forged, the friendships I have, and the love I have received and given are treasures that I hold close to me. My home, though humble, provides me with comfort, and I have the means by which I can pay my bills. I have a sense of independence and self-reliance, what greater feeling is there than that?
The Pull
My decision to embark on a new chapter is not taken lightly. It is driven by an inner calling that resonates deeply within my soul. It is a desire to align my actions with my values, to pursue growth and transformation, and to discover new facets of myself. This calling pulls me, and hurts me when I try to subdue it. It urges me to take the lessons I have learned from my past experiences and apply them to the challenges and opportunities that lie ahead.
With each step forward, I am about to embrace the unknown with both nervous-excitement and trepidation. I know intellectually that change can be daunting, but I know I can eventually adapt and grow. I carry the wisdom from lessons of the past, the gratitude for the present, and the hope for the future. As I venture into this new chapter, I am filled with anticipation and a deep sense of purpose. I am ready to embrace the challenges, celebrate the victories, and learn from both. The road ahead may be uncertain, but I am confident that my journey, once I am looking at it from behind me, I will see the growth, discovery, and feel a newfound sense of fulfillment. I believe I will feel thankful, and satisfied.
It’s Daunting
Pursuing new endeavor tasks is inherently daunting for me, normally accompanied by feelings of apprehension and even fear. For me, the process of decision-making presents a formidable obstacle. I find myself consumed by anxiety over the potential consequences associated with each seemingly insignificant step. This anxiety can become so overwhelming that it leads to a state of paralysis, preventing me from taking any action at all. I procrastinate. I eat. I find other things to do.
There are several factors that contribute to my decision-making anxiety. First, I am very aware of my limitations. I know that I make lot’s of mistakes, and I fear that these mistakes could have serious consequences. This fear is amplified by the fact that I am often faced with decisions that have no right or wrong answer. Instead, I must weigh the pros and cons of each option and try to make the best choice based on the available information.
Second, I overthink. I dwell on every detail, which can make it difficult to see the big picture. This overthinking can lead to analysis paralysis, where I become so caught up in the minutiae of the decision that I am unable to make a choice.I have to draft every email, plan every phone call, plan every text message.
Finally, I have a strong desire to do things right, and this can sometimes lead me to set unrealistic expectations for myself. When I am faced with a decision, I often feel like I need to find the perfect solution, which is an impossible task. This too can be paralyzing, as it prevents me from taking any action until I am certain that I have found the best possible option.
Recognizing these factors that contribute to my decision-making anxiety is the first step towards moving forward anyways. My anxiety doesn’t ever seem to go away, I just keep moving. I guess I am learning to be more accepting of my human fears, and then, do what I value most despite that I am still afraid.
Yes, pursuing new things is scary for me. Making new decisions is difficult for me. I worry about the consequences of each little step, at times paralyzed by the decisions.
Despite all of this, here we go. Let’s take the next step. Let’s move forward. I know when I look back, it will be worth it.
- What’s the next step?
- Values? Or Goals?
- Reasons to? Reasons not?
- I just can’t… If you only knew…
- My List of Excuses?
- …
Check back as the story unfolds…
Danny Kolke 