I’m continuing my series on Lessons from my father. They seem to be getting harder, and more profound.
Lesson #12- It’s hard to take your own advice. I make dumb mistakes all the time. So do others. It’s okay.
from Lessons from My Father
Emerson wrote that, “to believe your own thought, to believe that what is true for you in your private heart is true for all men, — that is genius.”
My dad was brilliant in many ways, but he was horrible at taking his own advice, or at least it seemed that way. He had great ideas, great perspective, and unfortunately he often didn’t take his own advice. And like any good father, he wanted me to avoid his mistakes.
It’s hard to take your own advice, especially when you are in the middle of something. It’s hard to separate your perspective, and do that.
Have you ever found yourself talking to a friend, and they say, “thank you. This really helps?” Perhaps you didn’t even say much, but it was just the right thing they needed? Yeah, me too.
I see myself, in my friend
Usually when this happens, I am saying really just giving advice to myself. I recognize in my friend, something I need to hear and I speak directly to them. It’s usually about some mistake that I made, and they are about to make. The advice I am giving, comes from my own lessons, and I am really just talking to myself – outloud – putting their name in my place.
What makes a fool is an inability to take even his own good advice. – William Faulkner
Yeah, Mr Faulkner, I guess I am a fool; at least often. It’s hard to take my own advice.
How to take your own advice
1- Step away
Stop what you are doing for the moment and give yourself some time. It’s usually in the midst of our busy days that we make the dumbest decisions.
2- Think about it
Usually you don’t have to take action right away. So just think about what you are doing, what you are about to do. Put off making a rush decision.
3- Be your own friend
Speak to yourself in 3rd person, just like that friend you are giving advice to. Use your name. Ask yourself some questions. Engage in dialogue.
4- Give yourself some advice
Be nice, but give yourself some advice. Odds are that you know what you should do, you just don’t want to listen to yourself. Also, be kind about it. You don’t have to be mean.
5- Check it with others
After you have some ideas about what to do, check it out with others. You may be surprised to learn that your friends have had similar issues. And their experience may help you validate your ideas, or challenge them.
6- There you go
Now at this point, you can ignore the whole thing. I know I have. But I feel better about it when I don’t. At least I thought it through. It doesn’t mean things will work out any better, at least I can be at peace with my own thoughts. I did my best decision making.
Taking your own advice, may be the sign of genius, or it may be the sign of an idiot. Hard to tell sometimes. But I do know, many times, I knew what I should have done, and I didn’t do it. I later regretted it. I’m tired of that feeling. I’m going to try to take my own advice more often.
The “Dumb Mistakes” Part
It’s pretty easy to see dumb mistakes in others, and hopefully you recognize the same thing in your own life. I make so many dumb mistakes. It seems the only thing I can do to make any progress is to try to work harder to overcompensate for my dumb mistakes? You too? Funny.
Mistakes are a part of life
I certainly didn’t say that first; but it’s so true. Mistakes are a part of life. Does that mean dumb mistakes are a part of a dumb life? I guess it may be true, and if that’s the case, I am dumb. I’ll admit that. The trick really is trying to not repeat those dumb mistakes. That ties back into the whole ‘how to take your own advice’ thing. Trying to recognize when you are about to make a dumb mistake and stop yourself from a repeat.
No repeats
If only that were possible. I seem to make the dumb mistakes over and over again. Despite my best effort to be more intelligent, I keep proving myself to be an idiot. Oh well.
Be Nice About It
Well, think of it this way – there probably is someone else who did something dumber. (Is that a word?) Often we are too hard on ourselves, especially when we make mistakes. It’s easy to get into “Never Speak”.
I’ll Never Figure This Out
Going negative is easy, especially on yourself. Especially when a plan doesn’t work, especially when you have failed. It’s easy to get down on yourself. But honestly, is that an absolute truth? And is that really what’s important?
It’s easy to attach a lot to an outcome, that in the grand scheme of life, doesn’t mean that much. There are probably more important things that you should notice, and not be soooo negative when a plan doesn’t work out?
What would your friend tell you?
Remember to be your friend, and give yourself some good advice.
Here are some things I tell myself, as a friend;
- You should forgive them; they didn’t mean any harm.
- Yes, they are a bad driver, but you’ve done that before. Remember?
- Don’t eat that, you know what it tastes like.
- You’re stress eating again. Just leave the kitchen dude.
- Save now, spend later.
- You’ll feel better if you go for a walk.
- Do you really NEED that? Come on, be honest.
- Just call them and tell them you are thinking about them.
- You should say thank you.
- You should ask them their name, and thank them personally.
- Share how you really feel, be honest.
Thanks for reading this by the way. I really write these posts to give myself advice. In case you didn’t figure that out by now. It’s not because I am trying to be brilliant. I’m just hoping that some of my friends will appreciate my sharing my thoughts.
Remember:
Lesson #12- It’s hard to take your own advice. I make dumb mistakes all the time. So do others. It’s okay.
Danny Kolke 