This is the last lesson in my series Lessons from My Father and the timing of this lesson could not be more appropriate. The end of the year is approaching and the holiday season is kicking off, this is Thanksgiving week, and this lesson is on Thankfulness.
My dad was a master of frugality, and not needing much. Most of the things he owned in his life, were previously owned by someone else. He was fine with that. I have a lot of his stuff now, but unfortunately I have purchased many things new. I regret a lot of those purchases. I didn’t really learn this lesson the easy way. In many ways I am still learning this lesson.
As Christmas approaches, I am sure it annoys my family, but I am notorious for telling my family that I don’t want anything. I really don’t need more stuff. Not just that I don’t need it, I don’t want it. I actually have everything I want, and if I wanted something else, I would probably go get it on my own. A shirt, pair of pants, or a gizmo, I’d probably go buy it if I wanted it. A book, a DVD, it really doesn’t matter what it is, even consumables, you don’t spend money on me. I really am okay just being with my family. That’s all I really want. And if distance separates us this year, just seeing each other online with Zoom or whatever we use is going to make me happy.
Thankfulness in the works
I have been working on thankfulness for a long time now. I have written on this subject before. My big realization is that I have learned that being thankful is the key to feeling wealthy. If you want more, you are not wealthy enough. If you have everything you want, then you are wealthy.
It’s not how much you have around you,
-me
It’s how thankful you feel inside.
To be thankful, is to be wealthy,
To have regret, is to be poor,
And you get to choose.
Do You “Need Anything”?
I have shelter, food, transportation, purpose, faith, love, family, friends and freedom. How amazing is that? Do you have that too? Amazing. If you don’t have that, I guess if you may have a “need”. But if you are satisfied with what you have, thankful, I don’t really know if quantity even matters on the subject.
It’s Cool for me to Not Have it
My place to live is nice enough, my car get’s me where I am going. If I get a different one, it’d be something more economical. My car just gets me places and if I could do without one, I’d try that. I really don’t need anything fancy. Every once in a while I see something fancy, and I say, “wow, that must be nice”. Then I realize, I don’t want to sacrifice what I have to try to make the payments for that. Don’t need it. I’m good. Being okay with disappointment. Being okay with not having something. Changing my perspective, and just focusing on thankfulness.
Disappointment & Thankfulness
Disappointment is in a way very much a part of being thankful. As an artist, I often have to balance feeling disappointed with being thankful. They both inspire and help me create. I rarely perform at a level I am satisfied with, let alone be completely satisfied. And each time, I have to make a choice to let it inspire me to learn and do better.
The key for me is to not let my disappointments kill my initiative.
Understanding that things won’t turn out as planned, should not stop me from starting. Things often turn out different, or rather, they may always turn out different. Knowing that, I am thankful for how everything has turned out. I should also realize that I will be thankful in the end, at the start of everything that I do. I am thankful for my disappointments, they are part of what inspires me to keep going.
Sadness & Thankfulness
A lot of great things have happened this year, and some things that make me sad. The saddest things are these; I’ve lost some more friends in ways that seem so unfair. Specifically some to cancer, some to Covid related illness, and some to suicide. It’s good to reflect back on how special these people were, and still are to me, and how much I miss them. And true, it is unfair. Now what? What can I do? What can we do?
It’s My, Rather, Our Turn
When I lost my father in 2021, I realized that it was my turn to pass on what he taught me. And I owe it to him to be the best that I can be, to never give up, and to do the best I can to take care of the people that are in my life. I owe it to take care of the family that he loved. It’s up to me now, he’s no longer here.
For my friends that I have lost, I owe it to them to take care of those that they cared for too. I owe it to my musician friends to continue the craft and pursue improving my own skills. To love, to make music, to spend time with friends, to love one another.
Daily, I am realizing that it’s my turn to be the good friend, to be the good father, and be the good husband, and be the best I can be. It’s my turn to be a good artist and work on my craft, to be a good educator and work on my craft. It’s my turn to do the work, and I am thankful that I am here, and able to do that.
Not Keeping Score with Others, Playing a Different Game…
I also realized that it’s hard to do, and not keep score with others. Everywhere I go I seem to be reminded of whether or not I am financially successful. Like when I park my car in a parking lot I’m reminded how some people choose to measure their wealth versus me, and that’s only one measurement of many. I have to remind myself I’m not playing that game. I got another thing going. My game is “less is more, not more is more.”
My game is “less is more, not more is more.”
My game is that I get to play music for a living, and I love it. It’s incredibly fulfilling to do something I love and I owe it to those that I love to pursue that. I am very thankful that I get to. Again, I am thankful that I made that choice, and I am fortunate enough to be able to do that. Now, if I want a nicer car, I can go and rent one for a few days and see how it feels. I’m sure I’d regret the payments, so I don’t even bother with that.
Acceptance & No Regret
By some peoples measuring stick I have failed many times, and I am sure glad that I did. Had I not, I do not know if I would have made most of the friends that I have today. Despite grief, loss, financial hardships, and many bad decisions, I have never been more thankful than I am today. And I have never been happier. I have learned so many lessons this year. Too many to count, but I am going to try to do that. I hope and pray that you can end 2023 with few regrets, and even fewer in 2024.
I found a quote from Hugh Downs that I like to reflect on often.
“Don’t be afraid to try something. It never hurts as bad as you think to fail. You seldom regret what you do. You regret what you didn’t do. Don’t try to be invulnerable. Don’t worry too much about security. If you build a wall around yourself, you become a prisoner of that wall. Take a chance!”
– Hugh Downs
Difficult & Uncertain
This process of reflection can be difficult, I know it’s difficult for me. There seem to be more memories this year, especially of those people in my life that are no longer there. I miss people more during the holidays than other times. Knowing I won’t see them again is hard.
Missing my loved ones also reminds me that my time is uncertain. I don’t know how much time I will have left? And there’s no use worrying about it, it’s just what it is. I can’t guarantee that I can add any days to my life. All I can do is do the best to take care of my health, today.
Good Days & Foggy Days
This time of year I have good days, and I have foggy days. I don’t call them bad days any more, because I have learned they aren’t bad. I don’t have as many as I used to. I think that has to do with how much effort I spend on being thankful. And it’s not one big thing that I am thankful for, it’s a lot of little things.
I’m just an ordinary guy with ordinary problems, and ordinary circumstances. But on the inside, when I take the time, or rather, when I invest the time, I feel very wealthy, because I am very thankful.
Danny Kolke 