Is there a gap between what you want, what you expect, and what you have? How things “should’ be? Maybe it’s something you’d like? Maybe something doesn’t feel quite right? Maybe you can’t put your finger on it, but there is a gap. You can feel it. Sometimes, it’s dissatisfaction. Sometimes, it’s bigger than that–depression.

How Big is the Gap?

I used to have a very large gap between how I thought things should be and how they were working out. I had a lot of expectations. Some of them were my choosing, but many of them were put up on me. I don’t think I am unique in this. We go to school, and there are expectations put upon us. We are told that we need a career with a job to pay the bills–a profession. So we need to pay bills.

Wherever we go, expectations are put upon us; it’s part of our society and culture, and it’s just something we do. We can’t separate ourselves from it. Some try. I think what is more common than success in this area is increased pressure, stress, anxiety, and depression–feelings of failure.

Pressure, Stress, Anxiety, Depression–The Gap

How about the things we are told to do, and what will the results be? How will our career grow, how our savings account will grow, how will things get better? Take that versus what really happens. I don’t know about you, but the differences have been huge for me. I know they didn’t promise me success, and they can’t guarantee it, but it sure was implied.

The Experts Were Wrong… Again

School, career, politics (big and small), and the stock market – it seems that experts have been wrong. Things have not worked out like they said. I voted for them because they said they’d fix it; they didn’t. I bought the stocks they recommended, and I held on and held on, and often it did the opposite of what they said it would do. I did the career thing, and I was far from satisfied. The experts were wrong, at least the ones I listened to.

There is a gap in every area– between what I expected to happen, and what actually happened.

A Gap: What we feel should be fair, and what really happens.

A Gap: The things I have to do, the things I actually do.

A Gap: The expectations I put on myself and what I do.

A Gap: Feeling Scattered

At times, I have felt overwhelmed, scattered, unfocused, and unable to get even one thing done. Is this just how things are? I have often wondered. Or is that just another expectation that I ‘should have’ and learn to expect?

Not for Lack of Effort

I have spent a lot of time on my improvement–my personal improvement. I have read books on happiness, business, project management, and how to get more done. I have also read a lot about therapy and strategies to help me. Looking back on the volumes I have read and listened to on audiobooks, it’s easy to feel another gap. I should know how to deal with this by now.

Baggage

One of the pieces of baggage I carry is all the ways I have tried and “failed.” It always seems to fall back on my to-do list. And I seem to be in the same place. Back in the same place again. It’s a cycle for sure.

I tend to obsess about my baggage. I carry it with me. I drag it everywhere. And when I sit down to start, or stand up to start: I remind myself that I am not succeeding. Or am I?

Is Anything Working?

“Yes”

The Things I’m Figuring Out

Yeah. There are some things that seem to work for me, at least for a while. It’s enough to get some momentum going. Then discouragement sets in. And I try to reboot and have a go at it again. And through all this effort, I have found that there are some “things” that “always seem to work” for me. There are some things that always make me feel better. No, I’m not talking about drinking scotch or eating chocolate. Not that I am opposed to that diet, but I sure don’t feel better when I’ve had too much of those two. It’s not like I can follow that as a formula for success. “Eat more chocolate and drink more scotch.” It sure would be a great mantra. Maybe it’s the title of another book?

Okay here is my short-list:

• Changing the conversation I have with myself.
• Asking for help and doing it with someone else.
• Do I have to do it?
• Who does it matter to?
• Little steps
• Big jumps
• Making room
• Quitting
• Going to the dump
• Redefining success
• Changing the way
• Looking at doing it differently

It’s often what I don’t have that makes me feel better, not what I do.

And Just Like That

I am looking at things differently. Just like that–a new thought is born. Well, it’s not new. Let’s call it “refreshed.” But, I think I’ll write about this–because it does work for me.

I have learned that just because it’s always been done a certain way does not mean it will work for me. And just because it works for someone else, it may not work for me.

My Gap

Well, today is like many other days; I have more to do than I could ever possibly get done. Much of the stuff I am actually excited to do–that’s what’s different for me now. And I have to admit, I am pretty happy with how things are turning out. But it is certainly different than what I believed was supposed to happen.

More on this later. I am going to go take care of a few things.