Starting Something New

My decision is not new. I decided a long time ago I wanted to do it. I just have been putting it off, and putting things off seems to be what I am best at. I seem to be a master of distraction. So what will be different this time now that the idea is back in my head? What will be different for me so I can actually get started this time? Something has to be different, or I will just do what I did before. Right? Something has to change.

Maybe I can trick myself somehow. I will just create some gimmick to fool myself into doing what I thought I wanted to do. That can work for a moment or two, but would it be enough to keep me going?

Maybe I just need to determine if it’s really worth doing? Give this idea some focused dedicated attention, really invest in it?

So is it a little thing, or a big commitment? Will it make my life better? Will it help someone else? Why am I going to do it? What do I have to give up to do it? What will I gain? Anything? Does it matter to me if I do it or not?

What is it going to cost me? And for how long? What’s the debt? The obligation? What will I get out of it? Do I know for certain?

Maybe there are a few things I can name. A few benefits. Sure I can come up with a list of reasons to do what I keep thinking about. I can even rank them. Maybe this will help me eventually do it if I obsess and think about it enough.

But could I start now? Right now? Right here? Afterall, what am I doing instead at this very moment?

Am I checking email again? Reading social media? The news? Maybe some of that’s important, but is it more important than what I have been thinking about? Is it more important than what I want to start? Wow. I can make a big deal out of anything.

Making Space

Before I get started I feel like I need to make some space. I mean like space in my schedule, and space to work on it. Or is that just an excuse? I definitely need space in my brain.

No. It really isn’t so big of a task that I can’t take the first step right now. It’s not a big deal to start. I can just start now. Right here.

And then another interruption. A beep, a sound, a vibration. I’m distracted again and off the topic.

Time Keeps On Clicking

You know, time is going to click by anyways whether or not I get started. Regardless if I finish, the minutes will pass. And so will the next hour, just like the last two hours did. That much is certain.

Is it worth it? Can I say “no” to my distractions? Can I stop procrastinating? I don’t know. And I guess I don’t have to decide all that. I just have to start. After all, how much is this effort what am I actually talking about?

If I really was honest with myself, and spoke to myself and gave constructive advice, I have a short list of what’s important to me. And I am really good at not taking care of it. Today is going to be different. Starting with this.

Commitment

Is it a commitment? Did I just make a commitment? Sometimes I have to do things because I made a commitment. Why not make this a commitment? Okay. I’m committed.

When will I do it, if not now? And will I be able to keep that as a commitment? Maybe I should start now, and then schedule time on my calendar to keep doing this?

Self-Doubt

I’ll never finish. I never do. Come on now, is that true? And what if it is? What is finishing anyways? By who’s measurement is that? And is finishing really the goal? Perhaps finishing doesn’t matter, it just matters that I decided to start and I follow the next step, and I keep my commitment to myself. How about if the only thing that matters is how much time will it take today? And is it worth it?

Distractions

I need to recognize my distractions, the things that stop me from my new commitment. It doesn’t take much for me to get distracted. Maybe I should get something to eat before I start?

I don’t have to figure it all out to get started. I don’t need excuses. Maybe it helps me to figure out why it why not. But once I make a decision, I should do it then or schedule time to do it, and do it when that time happens. I will feel better about myself if I just do that.

In the end, the secret to doing what I want to do, is just not doing other things in it’s place. It’s what I don’t do that gives me the time to do what I feel I want to do. Sometimes those things are for me, but often those things I want to do include others. Helping friends, helping parents, just spending time with them. Not doing other things to give me the time to choose what I want to do, for those who are the most important to me.

There. I started.

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