Probably the most common form of deception is lying to “protect someone else”. Maybe you don’t see it as lying because you are just “not telling them”. It shows up because you “don’t want them to worry about it.”
If you have bad news that impacts another person and you don’t share it with them, what kind of person are you? Are you their friend?
As for me, I have kept a lot of secrets in my time. People like to confide in me. My dad used to say that I was an amazing listener for him. Part of that is I really enjoyed listening to him talk and share his stories and ideas. I want to hear what he had to tell me, and generally speaking I like listening to other people talk.
Lately I have received some news that I find troubling. Troubling not because of the news itself, but because there is an expectation that I remain silent and not share the news with others. Even more troubling is that in my opinion this news should not be kept secret, and it does affect others whom I care about. And my moral compass tells me that whether or not I care about those people, they are people and I should care for them if they are affected. They should know this news.
The spin that is being put on the news is that this “problem” may or may not happen. This pending event or catastrophe may be avoided. But for now it’s a risk.
Controlling Optics vs Deception & Manipulation
Which is it? I mean which are you being? Are you trying to maintain an image and control the optics of your situation, or are you being deceptive and manipulating others? I guess it depends on your perspective. You can rationalize it however you want. But most of the time you aren’t the only one involved, and more often than not, what you think about your actions and rationale for deception, are not what’s most important. How about your impact on others?
Well, don’t ask me to lie for you to people I care about. It doesn’t matter if you call it optics, it’s still deception. Why are you doing it? Because you don’t want them to abandon you? You are lying to them to manipulate them. And by dragging me into your lie, you are now trying to make me a coconspirator. I can’t do that.
Lastly, is the self-righteous tone that this song is set to. This person is above others, and sees themselves as an honest and trustworthy individual. How sad is that?
Deception, manipulation and dishonesty wrapped in a flag of self-righteousness and self-deception, that’s what this is.
I have since learned that before anyone shares some secret with me, if it affects someone I love, I need to qualify first if I am willing to keep that secret. I want no part of your lies.
And you? You should stop this behavior right now and try honesty for a change. People actually may care more about helping you than you realize. If you come clean and share what’s going on, they may be able to help and work together to solve this problem with you.
Try that for a change. Be honest. Share your concerns, don’t hide them. Be vulnerable to people you say are your friends, and treat them like a friend.
Danny Kolke 