Lesson #8- It’s okay to change your opinions, don’t be too proud of them. Change them all the time.

Lesson #8- It’s okay to change your opinions, don’t be too proud of them. Change them all the time
– from Lessons from My Father

A Curious Soul

My dad was a curious soul. He liked to know what other people thought, far more than I ever have. I remember one time when my dad said to me, “Son, there are X number of people in the world that believe this way; don’t you want to know what they are thinking?” I am embarrassed to say that my answer was, “No. It’s not going to change my opinion.”

Emerson wrote in Self Reliance,

“Speak what you think now in hard words, and tomorrow speak what tomorrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradict every thing you said today.”

I think Emerson may have been proud of my stance, but likely more proud that I changed my opinion. At least that’s my opinion today.

I Was Wrong. Guess What? I Am Wrong All the Time…

Looking back on that conversation, I was wrong. I do want to know. I genuinely want to care about my friends who believe differently than I do. I want to understand them. I am not saying that I have to believe what they believe. I am not saying that you should believe what I believe. We are all free to choose. But I am sharing a very strong opinion I have about opinions.

I have learned that I do often need to examine my opinions, and be willing to change them; and in my opinion, everyone should do the same. Especially when it comes to the relationships in our lives. To everyone you meet, who you may end up calling a friend, be willing to listen to them. And before you end a relationship over an opinion, you should ask yourself if it’s really worth that cost.

Right now you may be thinking, “Danny, you are crazy. I used to think you were pretty sharp. But you have just proven yourself to be an idiot.” And you know what? I’m okay if that’s what you think of me. That type of an opinion is a judgement.

Opinions Are Judgements

Our mind is a “judging machine,” and it never stops. It makes decisions about all kinds of things all day long. And our opinions are often judgements on what we think is “right and wrong.” What is “good and bad?” Who is deserving, and who is not? What’s fair and unfair. The list goes on and on. Passing judgement down the list. It’s not unique. We all do it. It’s part of how we rationalize things as human beings. It’s how we maintain our sanity, and how we stay safe. It’s how we rationalize our own decisions. And once we establish an opinion, we take pride in it. It’s a decision we have made, and it sounds good to us. We agree with it. We are proud of it.

Pride In Our Opinions

But pride can be a very dangerous thing, especially when liberally applied to our opinions. It’s easy to say we are right, they are wrong. We got it figured out, the other side is crazy. It’s unfair. It shouldn’t work that way. This is just wrong. It’s messed up.

Fear That Our World Will Crumble

Sometimes our opinions are judgements to protect us from our fears. Fear that our perception will be wrong. Fear that our world will crumble. Embarrassment. Anxiety. The negatives can really pile up quickly. Opinions are often formed as judgements to protect us.

Hearing is Not Believing

Hearing someone else’s opinion is not the same as believing it for yourself. You don’t have to change your beliefs to hear what they have to say. You don’t have to get defensive about it, and you don’t have to be “hurt” or “offended.” We have become too fragile if we cannot tolerate the thoughts of someone else. If we must cancel them, shut them off, silence them. Yeah, it can be annoying at times. Especially if you are feeling stress. But again…

To everyone you meet, who you may end up calling a friend, be willing to listen to them. And before you end a relationship over an opinion, you should ask yourself if it’s really worth that cost?

I’m Not Talking About Toxic Relationships

I am not talking about tolerating people who insult you, or bring you down. I am not talking about accepting abuse. No, in these relationships we do need to often remove ourselves. But when someone has an opinion, different than yours, that’s okay. Don’t be so proud of your opinion that you lose a good friend.

Don’t be so proud of your opinions, that you are willing to lose a good friend

Hypocrisy

If I change my opinion, am I a hypocrite? No. Hypocrisy is about deception. Usually we see hypocrisy if you say one thing and do another; living a public life, with a dark secret. To change your opinions is not hypocrisy, it actually shows maturity. Often it’s healthy even. To admit that you now believe your previous opinon was wrong is strangely liberating. It’s possible to change your opinion and feel good that you did. That you are willing to objectively decide something different.

Shock And Awe

Sometimes people we know say things that amaze us, and not in a good way. You may actually catch yourself thinking, “Wow, I thought this person was so smart. But they are soooo dumb.”

Forcing Others to Agree with Your Opinion

Popular movements attempt to force acceptance in beliefs. Almost as if they think you can make everyone believe the same thing. Yeah, that doesn’t work long term. Unfortunately, people have to first set aside that pride thing we were talking about, to even be willing to change their opinion.

Jealousy

If an opinion is rooted in jealousy, it’s sometimes hard to tell. These are usually opinions involving “fairness,” and an evaluation of circumstances and outcomes that someone else has by comparison.

Compassion

Genuine compassion for others, that’s the ticket, (in my opinion. I don’t really need to qualify that this is my opinion any more. Every post on my blog is an opinion.) But I can testify from my own experience that my quality of life, my satisfaction in life, my happiness has multiplied over and over again in direct proportion to the compassion I am willing to have on others and their opinions. Instead of judging them, and avoiding those that don’t believe what I believe, embracing them as friends. Trying to understand them. Trying my best to be a good friend. Making time. Seeking understanding. Yeah, this is another post about loving other people.

What is An Opinion

In the end, these are all 1’s and 0’s. It’s just an alphabet, sorted in a different order. And an opinion is just another bunch of words that we have collected together, to express a belief that we have arrived at. But when we are willing to get violient to assert our opinions, the world becomes a very dangerous place.

Lessons In History

Nothing in history has brought more devastation than the difference of opinions.

Nothing in history has brought about more devastation than the difference of opinions. People on one side of the destruction were willing to kill those other other side of their opinion. Opinions are dangerous.

And that’s that. This whole blog post, is my opinion. That’s my disclaimer. You may or may not agree with me. I still believe I am write, but I may change that opinion tomorrow.